Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway!!

January 2, 2012.....I just got back in the house and settled in to write about my day of being a woman winning while walking.  I can say that I did get out the house to walk and all things considered that is winning, however; the process was more difficult today than it was yesterday at midnight!  I thought that was bad, today was worse, meaning it seemed like everything got in the way of me just gearing up and hitting the pavement to get in at least 45 minutes to an hour, but that didn't happen.  I know that I am my own worse enemy.  I said that I wasn't going to put my progress on anyone else.  I wasn't going to do like I would normally do, beg and plead to have someone walk with me and when they didn't I wouldn't walk with or for myself.  The day started out well.  I ate a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and then I got busy doing busy work.  I know that I should of went walking the first thing this morning but I didn't.  As the day progressed a mini storm set in and I said to myself that I would wait for the storm to pass or I was going to go to the mall and walk around the mall, well when I looked up and realized the mall was closed and the day was almost over, I was hungry, tired, cranky and wondering how did I let the day slip right from under my fingers again without putting myself on the list of priorities?  What I realized was because my conscience kept calling on me to do me, it forced me to put myself on the list anyway.  I kept being reminded to do Lolita no matter what.  I was finding myself thinking about myself and I must admit that, that was somewhat awkward.  I'm not used to doing me.  The mere thought of putting myself on the list caused me to move into action mode.  It helped that I had made a resolution and that I didn't want to let myself down again.  It also helped that I started this blog that I wanted to stay committed to.

Earlier today I had a conversation about a business venture and I said that I was going to feel the fear and do it anyway.  That's what happened tonight.  I had a made up mind.  It didn't matter what was going on around me.  I didn't care who wanted to go or who didn't.  I didn't even ask.  I knew someone that did want to go no matter what and his name is "Carmello" my German Shephard.  Carmello jumped all over me to go out on a walk with me.  He didn't care how cold it was, what time of night it was, he just wanted to go for a walk, and it was in that moment of me getting myself dressed and him following me all over the house because he knows when I am getting ready to leave the house that I knew how special I am and how special he is and how special this moment and experience is and gonna be.  I am feeling what it is gonna feel like every time I put Lolita first, no matter what.  I feel good inside. Yes, I cried, I won't lie, walking out in the dark, tired, frustrated with the turn of events that I let get in my way today, but I know what it is gonna take, time management, and it's a process like I said before. One step at a time..... Today, I feel good and I know I am a blessed walking woman winning!!