"Radiation"

May 15, 2014

     Radiation, n. 1. the complete process in which energy is emitted by one body, transmitted through an intervening medium or space, and absorbed by another body.  2. the act or process of radiating.  3. something that is radiated.

     Radiate, v. 1. to extend, spread, or move like rays or radii from a center.  2. to emit rays, as of light or heat; irradiate.  6. (of persons) to project (joy, goodwill, etc.)

     Today was day three of my receiving treatment for my third battle with breast cancer.  I started my radiation treatments on Tuesday, May 13, 2014.  When I was diagnosed with cancer for the third time I seriously thought that my heart was going to stop beating.  I was numb and in a state of shock for at least a week or two, but for some reason, deep down inside the core of my soul, I remember thinking that I wasn't surprised.  I remember thinking that I had disappointed myself and those that loved me and supported me the last couple of times that I went through cancer.  I thought about the pill that my oncologist wanted me to take once a day for the next five years and how I didn't take the pill because I was afraid of the side effects, the joint pain and misery that I was afraid of experiencing on a daily basis for FIVE whole years.  I didn't want to have to live another day in pain.
     My thought was I wanted to live the best life I could with the time I had left, pain free and to the fullest.  Yet somehow, two years had passed and now, October of 2013, I was being diagnosed with cancer again and I had nothing to show for my not taking the pill.  I wasn't living this beautiful, fantastic life.  I wasn't making my list and checking it twice, in fact, I didn't even have a bucket list.  I can't even say that in the last two years that I've gotten into my car and have taken a drive to the Washington or Oregon Coast, places that I love the most, places that make me feel alive, beautiful and delicious!
     I hadn't lost one pound, I have even gained more weight in the last couple of years than I ever have in life.  My nutrition, (well, what nutrition?)  I didn't write the book I said I wanted to write, I didn't sing the song I wanted to sing.  I don't have the business that I wanted to have.  I felt horrible.  I had to hear that I had cancer again for the third time, and as miserable as that may have felt and truly is, I now have to make the decision as to what am I going to do about it?
     If I lost the battle the last couple of times, what in the world was I going to do now?  How am I going to do it?  Damn It!!
     HOW CAN I BE A WALKING WOMAN THAT WINS?  I know, I'll bury myself with busyness.  I'll run in the name of projects.  I'll give them cute fancy titles, invite the community and have a gala!  I'll mask the pain of my heart under my pseudo name: "Martha!"
      Jesus said in Luke 10:41, "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be take away from her." 
     You see, Mary, Martha's sister chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to his word.  Mary sat to receive wisdom and in all her getting, she got understanding.  While, on the other hand Martha was so busy scurrying around that she was missing her blessing.  Martha had the living word in the flesh right before her and yet she didn't recognize that the word had become flesh!
     I believe that my diagnosis was Jesus saying to me: "Lolita, Lolita, you are careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful, Wisdom, and in all your getting, get understanding."
     I am so Blessed to have been given a third chance to sit at the feet of Jesus to HEAR his word and let his word become flesh in my spirit and soul.  I know that the wisdom of God would have me take hold of my temple, my body and have it be the best representation of what God created it to be both inside and out!
     Yes, I started radiation to eradicate the cancer that was in my body for the third time and I'm slowly but surely taking the steps necessary to have my life and temple be a reflection of radiant health and wellness!
     Am I tired?  You bet, yet I stretched yesterday and did a few simple exercises to help prepare my body for what was coming the following day, which was today.  After I came home from radiation treatment, I put my aloe vera gel on the area of my skin that received treatment and took a nap.  Afterwards, I stretched a little and then I went for a walk down my favorite hill that has a view that is breathtaking!  I must admit that it felt soooo good and delicious to feel my body move, even though the steps I was taking were very small, methodical steps.  My knees wanted to know what in the heck was I doing?  I had to tell them, "knees:"

     "I AM A WALKING WOMAN THAT WINS!!"

     I may be having radiation treatment to eradicate cancer from my body, and at the same time I am taking my pill daily and I radiate with the joy of the Lord as my strength from the inside out!

     Today, I did Lolita......

"That which you feel yourself to be you are, and you are given that which you are.  So assume the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of your wish, and your wish must be realized.....So live in the feeling of being the one you want to be and that you shall be."
~Neville