June 9, 2014
I know, the title sounds a bit morbid, kind of cryptic. That's how my body is feeling right now. Today is the beginning of my fifth week of radiation and I am going toe to toe in the ring with my treatments. Last Monday I went into my radiologists office and told him I quit! I was through with how my body is feeling. The fatigue and utter exhaustion, not to mention all the other undesirables (skin burning, turning colors, chest pains, headaches, dizziness, mouth swelling, irritation, and red lesions on the inside of my mouth along with periodic inability to swallow).
That being said, and this being my third time getting back in the ring with the whole cancer, radiation and chemo, I've made the decision to keep putting one foot in front of the other and with God's help get through this.
I just came in the house from taking a walk down to the end of the driveway, crawled up the stairs and decided to sit in front of my lap top to try and log what I'm feeling. Part of me feels like I'm literally fighting to stay alive with every breath, every minute, I'm constantly thinking about how precious life is and how bad I want to be here to give my life another chance to make good on some of the bad.
The scripture says:
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures,
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of
righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod
and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of
mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup
runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the
days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
for ever."
"There is in this world no such force as the force of a man or woman
determined to rise. The human soul cannot be permanently chained."
~W. E. B. Dubois, Educator and Scholar
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress!"
~Frederick Douglas, Abolitionist
